Compassion and Self Compassion
The Dalai Lama emphasizes that compassion originates in the understanding that we all are interdependent with everything that is alive. Interdependence is grounded in the insight that nothing is separate from anything else.
Roots
Compassion, “com-passio,” comes from suffering with, recognizing, feeling with our own suffering. We might be feeling fear, shame, or guilt. Self-compassion is a necessary way of working with ourselves especially when we are tormented by feelings of unworthiness, criticism or self-blame. Self-compassion soothes our fear, and fear is what is underlying so many other difficult emotions.
Compassion practices make it possible for us to view ourselves clearly and with honesty. Holding ourselves with an attitude of warmth gives us the courage to abstain from criticizing and judging ourselves when we see how unruly our mind can be. It demands courage to take on the task of working with our habits of distracting ourselves and avoiding what is uncomfortable. The word courage comes from the root “cor,” Latin for heart. We need a strong heart, supported by compassion and self-love, to lean with full awareness into the emotional depths of our experiences.
Psychologist John Welwood wrote, “You can’t have compassion unless you’re first willing to feel what you feel.” When we allow even our uncomfortable and messy emotions into our awareness, we can become open and vulnerable in a gentle way. It can be helpful to be truly humbled by the reality of our feelings. By leaning into the felt sense of our emotions, we enter into the present moment. When we are truly present with ourselves, transformation can happen.
The Tibetan word for compassion contains elements of love, affection, kindness, gentleness, generosity of spirit and connection.
If we hold ourselves with that attitude, then we can heal, re-gain our strength and eventually re-engage effectively and caringly with the world. Then, with more openness and health, we can expand our aspiration, love and compassion to others and the world. Often Self-compassion is first about seeing ourselves clearly and about understanding how we have become who we are now and how we got to act the way we do. Therefore, the first aspect of self-compassion is about understanding where we came from and how we developed.
The second aspect is the felt sense of our experience, feeling our pain in our bodies, meaning literally feeling with compassion. The third piece is maîtri, acting with kindness towards ourselves, rather than going to self-blame. We chose to treat ourselves with warmth and a sense of friendship.
The fourth step is to all humans as interconnected, and therefore worthy of respect and warmth. With great compassion, we yearn that all sentient beings and our earth are well taken care of. The Dalai Lama taught us “Fierce Compassion,” which is at times necessary to protect those that are vulnerable, so that all beings are well taken care of.
Experience it for yourself
Try this recorded Compassion practice in your own time. We encourage you to trust your intention to meditate, and not be hard on yourself, if it doesn’t come through to you the first time around.
These practice are deeply meaningful to many and are worth giving yourself the time and patience you need to open to. Join our free daily meditations for more.
